Sailed or sunk?
Do you think about how long it takes to get to the bathroom? I count 30 seconds or so, its and its left, a right, a right, then a left. If I go to the bathroom during certain times i will certainly guarantee that no one will see me. Thankfully, this bathroom has the single stall shower. I get dressed in the bathroom after showering.
I do this for the multiple complaints of safety that have unnerved the cis women around me who cant comprehend that I need to piss and i need to be clean too. You've read hundreds and watched thousands of episodes of tiktoks to deliver that info already. I also received a write up for making a sign for the small bathroom i use; they labelled it graffiti. I also do my laundry at certain times so no one can judge my half shaven face from afar, or worse I get another write up for harrasment because my laundry was ready 1 minute and 18 seconds before I went back to the basement to get it ( only to watch someone moving my laundry). The write up said that I was threatening the girl who removed my laundry; god forbid she waited 1 minute and 18 seconds.
We could also mention the time I was written up for expressing my beliefs , plastered on the whiteboard, on election night " I believe that if you voted for trump you are unfit to counsel those you just voted against, drop out" or something like that. Or the multiple times the university "check in" on me for my mental health because im apparently some form of threat. or the no contact order for being so scary that i showed empathy.
Now I should mention im not entirely innocent, im a trans woman in 2025 who has a fucking gripe with anyone and everyone who gets in my fucking way of being me. Im a lover at heart, but survival mode will send you into full fight.
Its funny that I have had so much bad shit happen at grad school that most dont need to deal with but I am not a threat.
I should rehash that my professors; 2 of them have verbally accosted me for my behavior while two others acted as bystanders as not only myself but other women were too. Then they claim aslyum in trauma informed techniques and a pseuudo-dumbness while letting it all go.
I wont let go.
I have been harrassed, i have been followed, i have been harmed, i have been shown hate at this university in no way any woman would find acceptable.
I am not a threat, this is not a threat, I mean no harm.
I just am simply not going to erase the bad shit out of sight of mind. I am going to tell everyone of the damage this school has done to me and i hope that my next school will produce a better result. (more on that in a future post).
It wasnt all the school, it was this town and the weird hookups with the weird letters, stalking the people who lied incessantly and the strange feeling of when was the next moment i would be verbally or physically harmed.
I wanted trust and in turn i got more harassment.
But i want to say thank you.
To every hello, to every conversation however brief, to every late night call, to every girl in class that trusted me to open up a little deeper. to everyone for helping me keep afloat regardless of how unmanageable and difficult i can be. There are about 5-7 of you real fucking ones, who I would trust with anything.
God I the few of you made the two days i would come to class help me ignore all the bad shit throughout every week.
I dont take any interaction lightly, know that much.
To the rest of you, if you don't speak up , your part of the problem, (refer to my other writing).
And to the girls i hung out with everyday, you changed me. I could go on for hours about you girls, you dont even know how much i fucking love you.
I could write a post about the laughs, the cries, the waffle ghouse trips and concerts, the booze and the drives the late nights staring at the ceiling wishing that life could be a just a fucking glimmer brighter.
but thats the end, not all bad, not all great.
I wish it wouldve worked out lmfao.
abandon ship!!!!
onto whats next...